Monday, February 04, 2008

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids

Inspired by this thread on Fark. (WARNING: Don't read the thread unless you are prepared to spend about an hour giving yourself lots of new things to be afraid of and a massive case of the heebie-jeebies.)

Things I am irrationally afraid of:

-Spiders and roaches and silverfish, oh my! Anything with lots of wiggly legs and a tendency toward fast, jerky, unpredictable movement. Mice, fine. Lizards, great. Snakes, cool. I have no problem with any of them. Flying 3-inch roach skittering up the wall in my bathroom? Kill me now. *shudder*

-Those cans of biscuits/pizza dough that you peel the paper off of and they POP open. I hate those! The suspense! The weird, doughy, sploot noise! The worst is when they don't pop even when you've peeled off all the paper and then you have to go find a spoon to "press at seam" to MAKE it pop. *shiver* I usually make someone else do it for me, and even then I have to leave the room or cower in fear with my hands over my ears.

-Injury to my eyes, specifically having a paper cut on my eyeball or having someone (who? who would do this? I don't know, that's why it's irrational) pull out my eyelid and use a hole punch on it. I distinctly remember the first time I thought of this - it was in Mr. Smith's literature class in high school and we were reading 1984. There was the whole thing with Winston's worst fear being having his head stuck into a cage full of rats, and that made me ponder what it would take for me to confess to the government torturer things I hadn't done, and the dark recesses of my brain came up with Hole Punch In The Eyelid. *flaps hands around and whimpers*

-I also, since seeing 28 Days Later, have a horrible fear of being unable to protect my defenseless son from zombies or any other huge natural-disaster type occurrence where humanity's dark side is revealed, people go feral and run amok, and you can't trust anybody. I am seriously thinking about training to use a gun and taking a wilderness survival kind of course in an attempt to allay those fears. This one doesn't strike me as irrational (well, maybe the zombies part) so much as Highly Unlikely But Still Definitely Possible And You Should Cover Your Ass Just To Be On The Safe Side.

Brrrrrrrr. I have to go hug Nolan now.

Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

Electric Mayhem said...

Awwww! Give Nolan a hug for me, too.

And I remember when that roach occurrence happened. It's funny to hear it only because you're so amusing when you tell it, but I'm totally there with you on the irrational fear of them. I don't like that they're smart, and that they'd probably crunch if I stepped on one.

Here's how irrational I am - I have that little shack type thing connected to my house that you have to enter separately. That's actually a laundry room. When I moved in, my roommate and I had a washer & dryer in there. It was great for a while, until the washer broke. But the dryer worked well. One day, for whatever reason, it became infested with roaches. Big motherfuckers. It was sprayed not long after that, but I still haven't stepped foot in there since 2001. I actually choose to pay to use the dryer next door.

Ugh, good lord, now I won't be able to sleep.