Maybe get a blister on your little finger

So we got a new fridge today. Our old fridge, which came with the house when we bought it three years ago, has been making these alarming "Rnrnrnrnrnrnrnr"* noises periodically, and food seems to be going bad much more quickly than it really ought to. Massachusetts had a tax-free shopping weekend on the 12th and 13th, plus Sears had a special promotion where you get 12% back on any appliance over $299, so we (or rather, I) went and got us a new refridge.

I went and looked up fridges in Consumer Reports at the library first, since we're too cheap to get a subscription. It's always a dicey proposition taking Nolan to the adult portion of the library (and by adult, I don't mean "All Holes Filled With Hard Cock" adult, I mean the non-children's portion of the library where there's no playhouses or parakeets and shrieking and crying are generally frowned upon) because I can never tell how long he'll be able to amuse himself. Somtimes I can give him a toy (with wheels, of course) and he'll be good for twenty minutes, just sitting in his stroller while I do my research, but sometimes he flings the toy away after 2 minutes and starts with the whining and the fussing and the crying and the Oy! My head!

This time when we went there was a guy sitting at the big table in the Reference section, and when I pulled up with Nolan in the stroller he gave me that look that people sometimes give you when you have a child with you, like I'd just flung a slab of rotting, diseased meat onto his notebook and told him to lick it. Sort of "You're not going to bring THAT in here where I'm working, are you?" So we made it quick. I found the Consumer Reports on refridgerators and found the best recommendation on a basic, no-frills fridge, wrote down the model number, and we got the heck out of there. Nolan was pretty good, but the guy still gave us the stink eye a couple times.

I went to Sears at 8:30 that night, after KB was home from work and Nolan was in bed. I figured, even with the tax-free shopping weekend, most people wouldn't want to spend their Saturday nights looking at appliances at Sears. I guess I'm not a good judge of what "most people" like to do, because Sears was friggin' PACKED. There was a wait just to talk to a salesperson, when usually when you go to the appliance section there are at least five salespeople circling around like sharks waiting for the chum.

So I stood by the model I wanted and tried to catch the eye of a salesperson walking around with other customers. I finally saw a guy who was helping these two women who were taking forever to decide ("I don't know, Delores...this one only has one temperature control for both the fridge and the freezer...") and said to him, "I know exactly what I want and I'm going to buy it right now. It will take you five minutes max and you can get back to these ladies." So he checked with them and they said, "Sure," and off we went. It was like:

"Delivery?"

"Yes."

"Take away old model?"

"Yes."

"Extended warranty?"

"No."

"Here's your total."

"Here's my card."

"Here's your receipt."

And we were done.

I was all excited because the model I ordered had a water filter and ice maker included, even though it was a pretty no-frills model, and I was looking forward to not having to fill up the Brita pitcher seventeen times a day.

Then when they delivered the fridge and set it up in the kitchen, it finally dawned on me: That water has to come from somewhere. The fridge doesn't make its own water, genius. You have to hook up a water line to it. Which of course we don't have because our old fridge didn't have it. So now we have this very nice, very new white Kenmore in our kitchen with no water line to attach to it. Oh well. It's still a nice fridge.

Thanks for reading.


*Think of that Simpsons episode where Homer refuses to go to church and Marge and the kids get stuck in the freezing cold because the car won't start - when Marge is trying to start the car and she's imitating the noise it's making? That's the noise our old fridge was making.